The Apostolate of the Laity

Waxing philosophical in communion with one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church.

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Location: Portland, Oregon, United States

I am just a sinner who holds fast to the notion that every human being on the planet is the result of a thought of God.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Staying Up With Jesus

It’s just about 1:30am on Good Friday morning. My wife is fast asleep as anyone with good sense ought to be at this time of day. I’m in the midst of my own private devotion, which by publishing this blog suddenly becomes very public. What I am about to present I do so not to boast, but rather to simply share a spiritual exercise I’ve begun over these last few years.

You see in fewer than two hours, Christ’s passion will begin. In an inadequate attempt to align myself with His suffering I’ve decided to try to stay awake with Him until he breaths his final breath at 3pm. He has given me more than I can ever measure, and I simply want to give Him some good company in these final hours. I simply want sit alone in the quiet with Him. How terribly alone He must have felt in these wee hours of the morning of His execution. He knew the suffering he would soon endure.

I’m also keenly aware of my own role His agony. As he prostrated Himself in Gethsemane and prayed to His father, it was all of the sins of humanity that nearly crushed him, including my own. Peter denied Him three times. How many times have I done the very same? So many times I simply have not made time for Christ. I’m so busy with work or so lazy with TV. So many times have I had the opportunity to defend the faith, but remained silent out of fear or weariness from the battle. Those are denials of Our Lord.

I simply feel like I owe Him something more than just going to the Easter Triduum services. I desire to give something more. The only thing I know I can give to my savior is me, my love and my time. These next fourteen hours are His. I don’t know if I’ll stay awake the whole time. My spirit is willing; however my flesh is weak. I may physically simply be unable to complete this, but I have to try. I want to give Jesus as much as I humanly can.

I have no expectations of rewards or extra blessings. I know He doesn’t expect this of me. It’s doubtful that this will buy me any less time in purgatory. The best way I can describe this drive is that Christ is my friend in need, and I want to be there for Him. I want Him to know I’m not a fair weather friend. He gave His life for me. There’s no greater love than that. He gave me the opportunity to enjoy eternal happiness with Him. Why can’t I give up a few hours of my sleep for Him? Just a few extra hours of prayer when I would normally be in peaceful slumber. I want to do this for Him.

At 3am, I’ll pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet, and then I’ll pop in my DVD of The Passion of the Christ. Perhaps reliving His suffering will buoy my heavy eyelids. I won’t make coffee until later in the morning. I want this staying awake all night thing to be my will versus a good caffeine buzz. I’ll fast and pray and continue to look forward to the Easter Vigil when the couple we’re sponsoring gets baptized into the faith. Part of my offering this early morning is for their journey, too.

I’m sure I’ll sleep well, tonight.

1 Comments:

Blogger Athanasius contra mundo said...

Have a happy and blessed Triduum!

4:33 PM  

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